I’m still celebrating Christmas in August. Yesterday left me a little bit longer than what feels. It’s hard to say goodbye so I don’t. Each year goes by a little quicker but hurts a little more. Timelines defined by anniversaries of trauma and periods and paychecks. I miss that night before the first day of school feeling. I don’t know when I stopped feeling, I think maybe 3 traumas ago. Not sure how many periods or paychecks that’s been, I’ve always been bad at math. I want to make life more beautiful for others but the answer may simply be my absence. I’d never kill myself but I think about it a lot. Daydreams veiled in narcism. I can’t die though because I met god at a networking event and she told me to continue. I got her card and everything. I told her I’m trying to figure out a way to live forever. Gotta leave yesterday first. And when I do I’ll enter tomorrow because I don’t know where the fuck now is and I will plant flowers with the rain that exists inside my soul today and maybe 350 paychecks from now it’ll all be beautiful. Just gotta let go of my Decembers. Gotta put away those Christmas decorations.
(to moving on & moving forward)